The Flavors of Faith (Pavani K)
I marvel at reading personal accounts of people who speak of always having had Faith in their lives. No, I do not judge them; but I am amazed, even envious of them in some way. My own personal journey through the land of Faith, has been a bumpy one. But from ever since I can remember, I have been able to ask questions about Faith. At times quietly, and at others belligerently, I have persisted in trying to understand this most ephemeral of Truths central to living beings - ‘Faith’.
A childhood exposure to rituals is the standard fare of any self-respecting Brahmin family. I was born into a conservative South Indian family, who prized the discipline of rituals and ‘achaaram’ (rules), almost as much as education, and home-cooked vegetarian food. Early morning ‘Aradhana’ (worship) was my alarm, accompanied by the fragrance of agarbattis (incense sticks), perfume of jasmine blooms, and the delicate balance of camphor and cardamom infused in the ‘teertham’ (holy water). We were taught our Sanskrit shlokas (prayers) by mothers, grandmothers and aunts, but I’m sure most of us learnt by ‘osmosis’ - just by listening to them chanted day after day.
However steeped in the Brahmin traditions, we were not shielded from other religions and faiths. We had a wide circle of friends, and had a fair idea of their practices and norms. But I was unaware of Sai Baba until I came across a book in my grandfather’s extensive library one summer. I must have been 13 or 14 years old at that time. In the era prior to gadgets, we often found ourselves with chunks of time spent in activities like reading and listening to the radio! A self-confessed ‘bookworm’, I was always looking for reading material to fill my afternoon hours with. And so I picked up the book about Puttaparti Sai Baba or Satya Sai Baba as he was called. There was a mention about his being an incarnation of Shirdi Sai Baba, and some informational text accompanying that statement. But not much more. This was my first ever memory of Sai Baba.
Over the years life took twists and turns, loops and somersaults, and I eventually ended up in America, in my 20s and married. They were interesting times. As I bumped along collecting experiences, my own personal faith was tested many times over. Being a creative sort, I found creative explanations to wind my way around uncomfortable milestones! But what remained was a burning desire to understand the cornerstone of ‘Faith’. I had heard friends and family members speak of Shirdi Baba, but remained wrapped up in my own web, still questioning, still seeking… without really knowing what I sought.
My personal Messenger from Baba came in the form of my friend Roopa. We had connected during our college years - but had since lost touch, with marriage, and life having taken us down divergent paths. Still, through all those intermittent years, I kept searching for news of her. Internet searches proved fruitless since I had no clue what her married name was. And her family had moved away, as had mine, so I could find no common friends. One day I received an excited call from my sister in India. She is a singer and during one of her shows, Roopa’s mother met her backstage and they had exchanged numbers. Apparently, my friend was searching for information about me just as I had been looking for her!
Having connected after nearly 20 years, we caught up over a long Skype call. That call was the catalyst for my finding Baba. Roopa is a Reiki master and has always been an intuitive. To prepare me for healing, she encouraged me to find a Sai temple nearby because I was unaware of one. Imagine my surprise when I found the Shirdi Sai Parivaar in Milpitas, just miles from where I lived!
I remember my first visit to the temple. To put it simply, it felt like ‘Coming Home’! I sat there gazing up at Baba’s face, while I felt everything within me slowly opening up to receive His Grace. It was an amazingly cathartic experience. I did not approach Baba, or offer the arati to Him for the first few weeks. It was as if I felt I was not ready yet, content to simply sit and empty myself while listening to the bhajans. I would bring home my prasad and spent the rest of the day on a high.
In the days and months that followed I found the meaning of what I was searching for all these years - the meaning of Faith. Baba’s presence and the energy within the Milpitas temple slowly but surely transformed me from within. There was no need for guilt or recrimination associated with what I was experiencing. My worship did not originate from a place of fear. The rituals were simple and there was an appealing approachability central to His message. I guess ‘Bliss’ is a good word for what I was experiencing. I found myself asking for one thing - and only that I be allowed to live my life with His Grace.
My biggest Joy is the gift of my beautiful daughter! Experiencing her grow within me has been Baba’s blessing. Every Thursday, I found myself amazed at how calm she would become the minute the Arati began. It was a testament to His love filling me from within. It was no surprise that she came into this world at 11:57am, right in time for Madhyaan arati!
The Sai Satcharita outlines the various ways Baba’s energy has impacted the lives of so many over the ages. Reading through the stories I came to understand that the flavors of Faith are many. ‘Shraddha’(Faith), and ‘Saburi’ (Patience) are the twin tools which can be employed to work towards total ‘Surrender’. There is no negativity attached to the word ‘surrender’. Instead, it is about starting afresh, a new beginning. I now understand that ‘Bhakti’ (devotion) can take many different paths. Every one of them starts with ‘surrendering’.
Baba’s Grace has brought many wonderful people into my life. We are able to connect in a seamless way, from a place of infinite gratitude and humility. And I am blessed to have this opportunity to celebrate His presence in my life!
Sai Ram!
Pavani